Last night what started out as a light conversation about social networking and sushi turned into a deep, meaningful conversation about life, work and heart.

Loneliness

As we entered into another level of conversation, one of the first things Bob said to me was that I was lonely and used talking as a defense.  Instead of getting defensive about that comment, I stopped and tried to look at myself to see if I saw what he was talking about.  Perhaps I took him to literally.

At this point in my life I am thankful for the love I have experienced, the connections I’ve been making lately, and the renewed appreciate for life at its very essence.  What he meant by that comment, in my interpretation, was that conversation does not necessarily need to involve talking.  I imagine conversing without words can be a powerful thing.  I think I’ve only connected with one person in that way before in my 24 years of consciousness.  With her, we can connect on such a deep level that we can stare into each other and speak without speaking.  We listen with the power of our love.  I still think we can connect on an even deeper level, and we will, but we are both still learning about this. And sometimes we don’t even know it.  Sometimes I wonder if I could connect with others in this way.  With my brother or perhaps some of my closest friends.  Could and does this ever happen with strangers?

Bob’s reasoning for my defensive talkativeness was loneliness at its very core.  My first thought to this was that I can see how he feels that because I’ve lost my Mom, and I mentioned that to him.  However, when I started to dig deeper into such reasons I found it was something completely different.  I am not lonely because I’ve lost, I am lonely because I am lost. Lost in the sense that I, like so few around me, allow my heart and my mind to constantly feel for those less fortunate than myself.

My friends have been telling me, in fact a lot lately, that I am a very intense person.  I agree with that statement, but see it in a very different light.  And Bob brought this to my attention.  Lately I’ve wondered if I am too intense.  Should I fall back to surfaced conversations about sports, shopping, and the latest entertainment news.  I would say that the majority of it doesn’t mean anything.  It lacks substance.  It lacks connection.  It hides our selves from our selves.  Or more importantly, it hides our hearts from each other.

I can understand some talks about those topics because they aren’t necessarily surfaced all of the time.  I can talk to a friend about football, and get an urge to play with him and others.  We would laugh and compete and enjoy ourselves.  But surely it’s quite another thing to always use sports as a sole connection point.  Why can’t you connect on a deeper level than that?  Go beyond the walls and understand what makes someone tick.  What makes them unique.  In essence — what makes you, you.

Values

One that offers a way, through a quote not of his own, is lost himself. That is what I took away from Bob when we transitioned the conversation to that of values.  He told me of his travels to West Samoa,  Iran, Canada, and various tribes and villages throughout the world.  He said he has seen other peoples far happier and more connected than ourselves.  At first glance, especially when coming from America, an affluent family, or consumerism it is hard to grasp the concept of connection over possession.

If we visit that perspective for a moment, how could Samoans enjoy life so much when some villages lack the “bare necessities” like electricity?  In one word — values.  Their values lie in connections.  Connecting with those around them is far more important than money, moving up the corporate ladder, or any other possession for that matter.  The greatest possessions are not possessions at all.

And like that I understood the flaw of a resourced-based economy, one alternative to capitalism.  The issue I have with capitalism is that its fundamentally structured like a pyramid.  So, in order for people to have power and money,  a greater majority must suffer.  In order for capitalism to function there must exist scarcity. It’s this scarcity, whether natural or artificial, that creates price (supply and demand).  For example, if there was an abundance of diamonds, would they be worth the current valuation?  Or take oil.  Do companies really have any incentive to seek abundant energy sources like solar, wind, wave or geothermal?  Of course not.  Petroleum has to be found, rigs built, oil refined, rinse, repeat.  Scarcity.  There is no scarcity if something keeps on producing without the need to harvest more.

A resource based economy states that once we move away from resources of scarcity and towards those of abundance we will have more than enough of everything for everyone.  You have been conditioned to buy and horde bread because it might not be there tomorrow.  But if bread was grass, we wouldn’t pay for it nor would we store enough “just in case.”  However a flaw I see is land.  Land is not abundant.  Perhaps not everyone would want to live in Southern California, but the weather sure is nice.  And land is scarce.  No two people can be in the same place at the same time.  And here lies the crux of it.  Until we shift our values from possessions to connections, until we value who we are with more than where we are, this resource-based economy is just another Utopian pipe dream.

Business

Everything revolves around relationships.  I was under the impression that there is a secret to success.  However, it may be more obvious than I once thought.  Everyone says that it’s not what you know, but who you know.  What I did not see was the power of such a statement.  People want to do business with people they trust.  Simply put — gain their trust and you gain their business.  Companies do not exist, people exist and they are the company. Success lies in finding out who the decision maker(s) are.  The next step is to connect with them.  To learn about them and their business.  What they value and what their pain points are.  Then you return a few weeks later with a proposal that is inline with their wants and values and connects with them on such a level.

Follow your heart

The last, and most important, topic of our discussion was also something seemingly obvious.  Let your heart guide your decisions.  Why is it that we all know this yet we don’t listen to it.  Fear?  Change?  Perhaps its easier to write it off as too difficult?

It’s only in these last six months that it has come together for me.   There will exist moments in your life that really make you feel alive.  Don’t ignore this!  For me personally, I have been able to identify several of them, but it’s my mind that pulls me away from such events.

In March of 2007 I was in a remote village in Batang Ai, Sarawak, Malaysia.  We took small boats to reach the village’s school late Friday afternoon.  While the rest of the group had arranged to meet with the principal and teachers, four 1st graders approached me with curiosity in their eyes and love in their hearts.  After exchanging names I had asked them if they wanted me to teach them some English.  Without hesitation they screamed in joy and all jumped in their seats — about 15 children in the classroom.  Now I was lost.  I had regreted never taking a teaching class before, but made the best of it.  I decided to write several short setences on the board and say it out load with the class.  After 10 minutes of this my mind drew a blank. Then I noticed a poster with pictures of animals and their respective English words.  Perfect!  After that was exhausted, just when I thought all my options were lost, I asked them if they would like to learn a game I used to play as a kid.  They were invigorated again. The game?  Duck duck goose!

This is a perfect story where my heart and mind were inline.  One sure way to identify this is to realize, usually only afterwards, that time disappeared.  Time is something we construded anyway.  When time fails to exist, your mind is inline with your heart.  Unfortunately, routine is the enemy of your heart. I knew that in a short 2 weeks later I would be back at my desk job, and removed from the essence of living again.  Although my heart felt like it belonged in Batang Ai much longer, my mind told me that I had a job back in the states, I have loans to pay, people counting on me, and 10 other reasons I needed to get back to America.  My mind won that fight that day.

Right now as I write this, and with a new year upon me, I can confidently say that 2008 was a year that I improved my relationship with myself and my heart.  This year I plan to listen to my heart more than I have in the previous years.  I can’t say that my heart will always win the struggle against my mind.  And I’d be foolish to say that I will be able to achieve a harmonious alignment between my heart and my mind.  I can, however, say that I will be more aware.

I want 2009 to be the year where my heart takes the lead.  I want to do more for others.  I want to show my love for the 6 billion people on this beautiful planet.  I want to love strong and not hold back.  I want my heart to dance like nobody’s watching.   I want to lead by example.

We are all beautiful people and one in the same.  If you are reading this I ask you to go out of your way for someone this week.  Whether you smile at a stranger or buy food for someone less fortunate than yourself.  Love is contagious and hopefully one day that will be the only disease to exist on this planet.

I love you all.